You gonna do it or nah'?

I go through phases where I really try to get my shit together! I work out often. Like obsessively. I all of a sudden think I'm smart or know what I'm talking about when I read food labels. I get all positive and shit and sage myself, my place and my kid. I preach that you should drink water with lemon or cucumber because it's 'So Good' for your skin. Yet....hello Rosacea! What the hell do I really know?! I act like I can give you the best advice on relationships, diets, parenting, co-parenting, being a damn daughter & sister! Pero la neta, what do I know?! Everyday I want to be something new when I grow up! Everyday I ask myself how can I be a better person? How can I love myself more so I may spread that love to everyone and everything? Why can't I stick to being positive all the damn time instead of a few days a month? Why do I gotta act all organic and santita y bien healthy temporarily? What holds you back from your goals? What holds you back that you are afraid to admit or you just throw under the rug? Are you really happy with your job? Is it a job or is it a career? Do you wake up happy that you are getting ready for the best 8 hours of your day! Or do you calculate the bills in your head and try to figure how much you can spend? Do you write positive notes on your mirror like I do? I switch them out here and there. Sometimes I re-read them over and over while I get ready. Most times I just 'know' that the words are there and I just ignore it. I know it would make a difference if I read them everyday. Study shows (I didn't really look it up) that reading daily affirmations and making it a habit can actually help you! I can't believe I am so damn lazy that I can't even COMMIT to reading my fucking mirror words everyday! Or stick to yoga or stretching EVERY-SINGLE-MORNING, not just 3-4x a week! Why don't I have the drive to complete something in my life? I always have an excuse. I KNOW that I can make a name for myself in a career. But I'm not doing much to get there. I got comfortable. But I am better than that shit. Totally know I am. And I know the people around me that love me know that I am better than the person I am today. I drive a car that is 10 years old! Yes I am grateful to have a working vehicle! Shout out to Toyota! But I should have a new car by now. I shouldn't have to worry about how I am going to make a car payment. I should be doing it already! I should have already been on a crazy strict healthy diet to help my skin! Not to be thin! But to help my skin! I know what I have to do but I don't do it! I know how to be a better girlfriend but I have this fucked up attitude! I can be a kick-ass mom if I wasn't such a moody, impatient person. I can be a better daughter and sister and check in with my peeps more!  And all these things can be conquered! I just have to do it. I literally just have to do it. I have to adult. I have to love ME.