I'm straight up. I don't hold back. So when I say that you my son, have been my biggest headache since I was 5 months preggo is the truth!!! I was put on bed rest that early and It sucked asssss. I had doctor appointments 2x a week with ultrasounds each time! I saw you grow weekly and it got to a point where I wasn't even impressed anymore. Just get 'em outta me already! That's what I would think! Then things got shitty and I had you all early and since then, it's still been kinda a headache. You have had your issues here and there but I'm grateful that we've gotten through them. From your hospital stays to your talking back, we've survived. You are the biggest pain in my butt and yet my little hero!!!! My number 1 FOREVER! I say things I shouldn't say sometimes and I think bad thoughts when I'm frustrated. It's normal and I don't feel bad about it. You are a tough kid. I don't think it will be easy for a man to stay in our lives son. And it's not your fault. Sometimes men, other women, strangers, everyone...they look at me like "handle your damn kid"! Do you think I'm not trying hard enough??? I'm a single mom who has my son 100x more then his dad does. I'm trying my best! I don't care what people think about how I raise you Nick. You and I are a team. And if no one can join us then fuck them. I don't care what family says. What friends say. I've tried. I have spanked, done timeouts, taken toys away. People, do you realize that EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT!!! I don't give a fuck what you feed your kid, how you dress them, if they aren't allowed to watch tv or eat junk food! Kids will grow up and be their own person!!! I see something in Nick that probably no one else will see, not even his dad. Not now at least. But my kid can be so smart. He can be a total smart ass for sure and I think its going to benefit him when he's older. He's gonna be an artist or an awesome athlete or an inventor of something. And all his tantrums that he throws now will be forgotten. It is sad that I am more frustrated at being a mom then i thought i would be. Nick isn't your normal 5 year old. And I know he can be a pain in the ass but he's MY 5 year old!! It totally helps that he's so freaking handsome though! And he's kinda a kiss ass too. Picking flowers is his thing when I'm upset with him and it works every single time!!! Look, kids are frustrating and we all have to try to raise the perfect one. But it's not reality. Just chill. Kids will ruin some date nights, and some nice dinners out in public and they will ruin their nice clothes you buy them and guess what, they might not like the healthy ass food you're trying to shove down their throat! Just how I have accepted that Nick hates frijoles and everything potatoes!! They are kids. We need to simmer down and let them be kids! My kid will continue to throw some fucked up tantrums and he will piss me off and I will call my mom or sister and tell them to keep him! But then I'll get over it cause I'll stop and think to myself that I at least was able to create another human being. Many women, some that I hold close to my heart, cannot have babies! And some have lost babies and trust me I think of them each time I am frustrated with my son. I try. I do try to be a good mom. For the most part, he's a great kid! Hilarious at times and hello, he sings Mána! I am so thankful for him and thankful for the support I've had so far. I'm ok with it being Nick and I for the rest of our lives. I don't need a man to force himself to accept him, or us. We are a team. It will always be Steph and Nick. We are both complicated as fuck and that's quiet alright. Just makes us extra special :-)
Nicholas, my life would suck without you...
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