Am I failing as a parent?

My NicholasG! My love, heart, soul, the air I breathe! He is my life! Literally! My entire life my entire existence revolves around him. We are always together! I try to stay busy with him on my day's off and when I have him on certain wknds! It helps that Monster has kid's as well! These kids are spoiled! We have something to do almost every single wknd! Anyway, the kid has it all. His own room, game consoles, and he gets to get 1 snack or candy from the grocery store if he's been good! I've cut out so much junk food and processed food from our lives. So it's always a good treat! He's a spoiled kid. He's an only child on my side and his birthday is 4 days before Christmas Eve! The kid is spoiled!

Even as I write this, I'm thinking to myself, "dude you totally have fucked up your kid"! Seriously! Legit just thought that!

But I'm a disciplinary! I check him if he gets out of line. I have taken the ipad way for 2 month's! I've taken away the Xbox. But he doesn't care! It doesn't phase him. It goes over his head quick! I can scold him and lecture him and I stay pissed for like 3 hours and shit! And he's like talking to me after 15, 20 mins tops! As if nothing happened! And he won't ask for his stuff back. He patiently waits until I give it back after 5, 7 day's. Then he acts a fool again! And the foolishness gets more serious each time! Everyone says "he's just testing you...he doesn't fear you..."! Ok, hi! Testing done yet?! Wtf! Like right now he's probably been the most grounded, ever! I'm so ashamed of it that I can't even say what he did. I didn't spank him. I talked to him and I even cried. I even had to call my brother for back up. I again took the electronics away, and all his Godzilla toy's (his fave), I made him write a letter of apology, I emailed his teacher's and asked them to keep him inside for recess the next 2 day's, and he has standards for the next few days as well. But wanna know what hurt him the most? I didn't tuck him in tonight. I always tuck him in. And I smell his hair cause I love his scent. And I always turn the fan on for him cause the kid needs noise to sleep. And I didn't tonight. I always give his booty a little spank before I walk out of his room. Tonight I didn't. I always tell him "don't wake up before my alarm"! Tonight I didn't. He looked so sad. His eye's even got watery. He couldn't believe that I wasn't doing our nightly ritual. I was THAT mad! And I told him "I just can't be nice right now Nick". And he went into his room and turned on his fan, grabbed his Sharkey and put the blankets over his head.

I had a good cry after that. Then I went into his room when I knew he was asleep. I can't go to bed without checking on him. I felt antsy. Anxious. Nervous. He's my LoveBug. And all I want is the best for him. I want him to be a good kid. I want him to be responsible and respectful. How do I fix what I fucked up? How do I get back on track? Yes I have my Monster to help me, and Nick sees his dad. But I still have him more then anyone. I'm still his biggest influence. Did I just fuck up my kid? What am I doing wrong? This job is hard.