When I was little, I had the typical Mexican upbringing. The music blasting at 7 a.m. on Saturday morning's, the orders to clean the frijoles right after school, the rule's that we couldn't have our doors closed when everyone was home. We had curfews. STRICT curfews. Even at 19, 20 year's old, I had a curfew. Like my mom would straight sleep in the sala on the couch until we got home. They did not fuck around! We got spanked and we had tons of cintos to choose from. And if we tried to throw our verduras away during dinner, or give them to Bear, my mom would just serve us more. And if we really fucked up, then straight to the carniceria we would go to help clean up, put all the fruits and veggies away and man the counter. At that time, I thought I had it so hard. That we did too much for being so young. Like, "why do I have to clean the restroom when we all use it?". I can remember my mom getting down on her knees and checking the bathroom floor and she can tell if we half-assed the mopping. Shit was no joke! And I bitched and complained and probably said that I was running away about 10,000x! I thought we had the hardest parent's ever. I couldn't understand how they could be "so mean!"
Fast forward to me being a 32 year old technically single mother. Holy shit do I still need my mom and dad. And they are there, 100% of the time, all the time! And I mean times when I needed them and didn't ask for help and they show up to help me! I can remember a few year's ago when I had recently spilt from my son's father, I called my dad and I said, "Dad, you were right. You were right about a lot of things. And I'm sorry I sucked as a kid"! He knew I would eventually see things his way. He knew he was always right and doing what was best for us. The discipline, the lecture's, the grounding, the love. I see things different now. Especially being a mother to a very stubborn, special boy. There are times when I see my folks, whether here at home or where they are from and I tell my dad to handle it. To handle the situation because sometimes I just can't. And I've come to realize that that's ok! Just how I ask Monster for help too. Sometimes, I just need that extra hand.
I want to be like my parent's. I always want to be there for my son and for the people I love. I sometimes tell myself I am that way, or growing close to it. I try to help anyone I can when I can. I can be a cruel bitch sometimes, but for the most part, I just want to help. I give tough love when needed and compassion as well. My mom and dad still drop absolutely everything for us. They've helped my sister with her kid's so her and her husband can vacation. My mom has driven in the middle of the night and early morning when my son had his first major seizure. They drove in the middle of a snow storm to come see my son in NICU when he was born. They recently drove (in snow again) to come see me when I ended up in the hospital for my cyst. They drive to Cali so much to see all their family and friend's. I can't even give them enough credit for what they do. There will be a day that I can repay them for all the money they sneak into my hands. For all the food they provide to me when they come into town. And I'm trying the hardest to be the best mom I can be cause that's what they taught me.
If you are lucky enough to know my mom and dad, always remember them. Always think good thoughts, and always appreciate you having them in your life. AND if they let you write on my door in the East L.A. house, then you were really a hit ;-)
I love you mom and dad. And thank you for teaching me how to have a big heart. I hope to one day be just like you.
No comments:
Post a Comment