I am bright, I am brilliant, I am beautiful.

8. LOVE YOURSELF: Like you're the only you there is.- Jen Sincero.

 Do you have any idea how many times I've read that ^^^^^^? Countless. I've been trying to finish this entry for almost 2 weeks. And every time I opened this page, I saw that and I read it over and over again and couldn't seem to write. I finally figured it out. I was having a hard time accepting that I don't love myself as I should. I love myself to an extent but I don't love myself how I deserve. It is changing though. I am changing. My thought process is definitely different. I am at a stage in my life where I really need to "Do me". I have always tried to eat healthy. Promote health to my friends. They secretly hate me when I suggest things to eat or how much I love coconut oil! Then I go through phases where no fucks are given and I gain weight and hate myself. I blame everything and everyone around me for how unhappy I am and I'll forever be single cause I want too much too quick. And life is shit!
Well...I can't say that I am 100% happy but I sure feel like I will get there. I am taking more supplements and making smarter choices that I know will help my skin. I am reading affirmations to myself everyday a few times a day. Author Jen Sincero says in her book, "...yes at the beginning it may feel like you're lying to yourself...affirmations get you back to the truth." Ok so this is totally true! I would have a hard time getting through 10 "I am bright, I am brilliant, I am beautiful". I'd be like..."Ok Efus you still use your fingers to multiply. You are so not bright"! "Me? Beautiful? HA! No Manches". And I would have to check myself and get through them. Now, almost 2 weeks later, I ENJOY saying them. I say them when I'm doing my hair, taking a piss, showering. I say it over and over and I believe it. I am bright! I can come up with some good ideas! I am brilliant! I am damn good at my job and amazing with people! I am beautiful! I have a great smile and I am a good person! With this comes confidence and love. I left my house without ANY makeup. NONE. Nothing. I felt like the entire world was looking at my face. I had to seriously reconnect with myself and remember that I was beautiful. And after a few seconds, I kept shopping. I went to 3 stores. I didn't care. 1 month ago, I would have never done that. The thought alone would have made me sick. I also started meditating. It is very hard to shut off your brain. I find that I have to sit in my tub to do it. Pure silence. Why didn't I do this sooner? Why was I so negative? Again, I am not 100% there but, why did I actually give a fuck?

Do you even have a hobby bro?

I legit don't have a hobby. I've been thinking about it for weeks now. The older I get and the more people I get to know, I realize that I have nothing that I do that is considered a hobby. Yes I enjoy writing and blogging but dude. No. 

What I am talking about is actual hobbies. Crocheting, tattooing, photography, art collecting, building shit just because, etc! What are you totally passionate about? Does your hobby take up half of your life, maybe more? I met an interesting individual. They had an insane amount of hobbies. I was almost jealous. Yet totally intrigued with the passion they had for some of the shit they did. They did crazy shit from editing videos, to jumping off cliffs, to working on car motors. Then I find out about the art, the computers, the pictures. And I'm like, wtf? I got nothing! Who has time, money and energy for that? Lucky fuckers. My good friend is a painter! I loved the painting she gave me so much, that it inspired a tattoo of mine. Then a family member of mine decided that she wanted to learn how to crochet. In a matter of weeks she was making her own covija! I have a friend that crotchets baby hats! My other girlfriend is so passionate about nutrition, she makes a ton of her own foods from scratch! My brother is incredibly talented and skilled with his Magic. He gets me every time! My sister can bake like no other! I have always been envious of her skills. And I'm over here trying to just get through life by making more boards on Pinterest of shit I want to try to get into. I never really go back and look at them. It's not that I don't have faith in myself. I really don't know what I want to even try. What I am even good at? Lets see...I'm good at drinking wine and whiskey. I'm pretty good at being a smart-ass. I'm good at never folding my laundry. Pretty great at making the most inappropriate comments at the worst times ever! I seriously cannot think of a single hobby that I have had, should have, will have. That is fucking sad. I need to figure something out. I'm out here all pendejita with no skills. I just see myself as boring now. I will change this about myself. I need to open myself up to new things. Maybe I'll meet someone that can teach me something. Help me find something in me that I didn't know existed! Maybe I'm going to just get a sign! And go for it! Whatever it may be, I'm sure I will make the best of it. It's been a long time coming. Come on hobby! Come at me bro!