I am bright, I am brilliant, I am beautiful.

8. LOVE YOURSELF: Like you're the only you there is.- Jen Sincero.

 Do you have any idea how many times I've read that ^^^^^^? Countless. I've been trying to finish this entry for almost 2 weeks. And every time I opened this page, I saw that and I read it over and over again and couldn't seem to write. I finally figured it out. I was having a hard time accepting that I don't love myself as I should. I love myself to an extent but I don't love myself how I deserve. It is changing though. I am changing. My thought process is definitely different. I am at a stage in my life where I really need to "Do me". I have always tried to eat healthy. Promote health to my friends. They secretly hate me when I suggest things to eat or how much I love coconut oil! Then I go through phases where no fucks are given and I gain weight and hate myself. I blame everything and everyone around me for how unhappy I am and I'll forever be single cause I want too much too quick. And life is shit!
Well...I can't say that I am 100% happy but I sure feel like I will get there. I am taking more supplements and making smarter choices that I know will help my skin. I am reading affirmations to myself everyday a few times a day. Author Jen Sincero says in her book, "...yes at the beginning it may feel like you're lying to yourself...affirmations get you back to the truth." Ok so this is totally true! I would have a hard time getting through 10 "I am bright, I am brilliant, I am beautiful". I'd be like..."Ok Efus you still use your fingers to multiply. You are so not bright"! "Me? Beautiful? HA! No Manches". And I would have to check myself and get through them. Now, almost 2 weeks later, I ENJOY saying them. I say them when I'm doing my hair, taking a piss, showering. I say it over and over and I believe it. I am bright! I can come up with some good ideas! I am brilliant! I am damn good at my job and amazing with people! I am beautiful! I have a great smile and I am a good person! With this comes confidence and love. I left my house without ANY makeup. NONE. Nothing. I felt like the entire world was looking at my face. I had to seriously reconnect with myself and remember that I was beautiful. And after a few seconds, I kept shopping. I went to 3 stores. I didn't care. 1 month ago, I would have never done that. The thought alone would have made me sick. I also started meditating. It is very hard to shut off your brain. I find that I have to sit in my tub to do it. Pure silence. Why didn't I do this sooner? Why was I so negative? Again, I am not 100% there but, why did I actually give a fuck?