Almost a month

Hola! Buenos dias mi gente! I hope you are all having an awesome day! Mine is going ok so far! I can say I actually woke up feeling good. Now, I haven't really spoken of what's been going on in my life. Well, I am recently single. Almost a month now. It was a very long term relationship. 7 years! We shared 2 kids, 2 dogs, 9 fish, a home and each other. We had some AMAZING moments! We traveled a bit, met new people together. Made lots of mutual friends. We enjoyed watching football together, shows and movies. We shared almost nightly homemade meals. Lots of hugs, kisses, and tears. Sometimes things just don't work out and can't move forward. I don't regret the past 7 years. I got a handsome little boy from this and a life long step son who I love as my own. At times I do get angry, cry and say I hate my life. That I failed at giving my son a good steady life. That I should have tried harder. That I should have just shut my fucken mouth when we fought. But you know, I can say I tried. I honestly deep down inside am very satisfied that I tried. I still love him. How can you not after 7 years. But it's not the love we had in the beginning. I am sure he can agree as well. The decision was mutual. I couldn't stand his certain habits and he couldn't stand mine. I don't hate him. I am trying to keep it civil with him. We didn't split up because of a 3rd party, or physical abuse or anything like that. It just ran it's course. Will we be best friends down the road? I don't know. I've never kept in touch with anyone I've dated. But with him, obviously we kinda have too! We have a kid! But he's been one of my best friends for 7 years! I still talk to him or text him. And we are cordial. It's funny cause when I'm sad about him and I, all I wanna do is call HIM! But i refrain from it. I don't think it would make the process better! But I just hope we can be peaceful. He is a good man and a good dad. I think the hardest part of all this is hearing my son ask questions. Even at 4 years old it's crazy how much he knows or feels. I hate when I discipline him and he cries for his dad. But I know he isn't the first kid or the last kid that will go through this. I just hope I don't screw up. I want him to grow up and love his life. And to know that his mom and dad tried to make it work. I think in order for him to be ok, I have to be ok. I'm not quiet there yet. I cry often. You just get used to a person and a certain life style. I don't have the same privacy I had when I lived him him. It's different. But I like it. I always say "Change is good!" I'm still slimming down. Not sure on the weight but down to a 3/4 in shorts/jeans. It's not all sexy though! I need to tone the fuck up! My aunt takes care of me. She asks me daily if I've ate and she encourages me to work out to release endorphin's and stress. I can't thank her enough. I owe her soooo much. She and her kids also help a lot with my son. They keep him entertained and help when he's acting a fool. He'll be ok! and I'll be ok! And I am looking forward to go apartment hunting within a few months. Still need to save up more money! It's what I'm looking forward too. A fresh start! If Heidi Klum can do it with 4 kids and properties, then I can do it. :-)