Pitty Party Bitches!

Yeah, this isn't gonna be a funny one. More like a "I need to bitch about everything and everyone and life" kinda blog. So I don't mind if you stop reading now. So, I'm a very nervous person. People that really know me always tell me to calm the fuck down or I'm gonna make myself sick. By that they mean, I've ended up in the hospital 2x due to panic attacks. NOW, I feel confident enough to control them. Doc's have tried to put me on anti-depressants and shit but I refuse. I don't want to feel like a zombie and not myself. So I try to handle all the crazy shit on my own. This past year has been a tough one. My relationship has been tough, my family is so full of drama, my friends and I are all growing up and growing apart, people are dying, people are getting sick, friends of friends are dying. I mean, this year has been insane! My grandpa only has a few months to live, my godfather only a few days to live, I'm about to lose my fucken job cause I can't concentrate and am behind on every single assignment they've given me for the past month. I'm a hard worker. I have always had very successful jobs. I get promoted quickly and get paid well. But this year, I can't. I can't function or think straight. I come home angry. I bitch at the kids and dogs quickly. I'll refuse to cook dinner. I lost myself somewhere. I miss the old me. I was never so moody or angry or bitchy or such a damn cunt! I wonder when I will be back to ME again cause I sure miss the hell out of ME!