First and foremost, I am by NO MEANS a nutritionist, professional, trainer, doctor, dietitian, etc. I have previously wrote about my new eating habits. I do what works for me. Doesn't mean it works for everyone.
I'm a petite person. I'm 5'1.5". I'm not meant to be thick. So before my current body frame came to light, I was actually a thick girl for my height. At one point I was 142 pounds! I was chonchis! I had big cheeks and a pansa. And I thought I was all cute! I was wearing a size 6/7. I was drinking beer and eating pizza and In-N-Out every chance I got. I was cooking like a typical mexican cooks. Then I started cross fit and realized that I felt like I ran a marathon after only a 400 meter run! I knew something wasn't right and I had to make a change.
Like I said in my other blog, I have a few loved one's that have helped me through this. Eating better, reading labels, changing my cooking products. It has been a hard transition and expensive. But when it comes to food, should we really be putting a price on what is good for us? Here we are going to the movies spending $11 for entry plus $40 at the concession stand. No Manches!! I rather use that money to eat a healthy salmon and veggie dinner before I go to the movies. And then have 1 candy bar as a treat! I used to go to the store and spend $75 for the whole week on groceries for NicholasG and I. Now it's like $75 for 3 day's of food. But I'm OK with that now. I know that my son and I are healthy. Granted I can't keep my son 100% healthy when he's at his dad's. I don't have control over that. But I try when he's with me.
Back in May, I was 31" around the waist. 6 months later, I'm 26". I'm donating all my size 6, 5, 4, jeans! I refuse to ever be a size 6 again! Nothing wrong with it, but like I said above, I'm not meant to be thick for my height. TRUST ME, I miss my thick legs and ass. But I'll get that back with muscle, not gordo!
I get asked a lot "what are you doing to loose weight? How have you lost your pansa?" Simple. I don't eat like a typical mexican anymore. I've abandoned the manteca, arroz, frijoles, tortillas, bread, beer, etc. I still cheat every now and then. Monster and I have our "taco date nights". But this was an everyday occurrence since I was born! One of my first meals according to my mom was egg yolk with smashed beans and rice! And being a daughter of a carnicero, well my meals included a lot of red meat!! But that is one thing I can't ever really give up. I love meat! But it's been cut down to 1, maybe 2 day's a week. I eat a lot of fish! And not that farm raised crap either. I pay the extra money for Wild Caught fish. I eat my oatmeal every morning. Gluten free, organic oatmeal with blueberries and banana or whatever fruit I have. I drink nothing but water. Water with lemon. Occasionally tea! Beer is very rare now. Even my whiskey has been cut down. I'll do whiskey with ice cube's. Got rid of the sprite and 7-up. I cook with only coconut oil, (unrefined, cold pressed) and peanut oil. No more Cheerios and Frosted Flakes. My snacks are almonds,cashews, Kind bars, etc.
I look in the mirror and if I flex hard enough, I can see 2 line's forming up and down my Abs. No 6 pack, not even a 4 pack...but there is a muscle pack in there. I don't have a gut anymore. My love handles are almost gone. I'm about 70% there with my Abs. I can't say that I will ever be all cut up and full of muscle, but I am signing up for Cross fit again in January. I figured I've lost some weight, so it's time to tone up. Everyone can do what I've done. It's just dedication. I didn't do a crash diet or drink diet teas, or wear a waist trainer or take those horrible diet pills. I just started being a little smarter. Looking at the bigger picture of wanting to live longer and live a better life. Especially for my son. I take 6 flights of stairs 5x a week. I try to avoid elevators and escalators as much as I can. It's the little things that make a difference. If I can do it, anyone can. Now put away that damn soda and flaming hot Cheetos and have some lemon water and strawberries!
Friday, December 18, 2015
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
My almost 8 year old.
In 4 day's, I will be a mother to an 8 year old. Half his life, I've been a single mom. Half his life he has seen me move into a relatives house, then move to one apartment, then to another. In 4 year's he's seen the struggle we've gone through to make ends meet. He's seen me go through one of the craziest times of my life where unfortunately law enforcement was involved. He's been through a lot. And yet, he's still a rad kid! He's naughty at times like all 8 year old boy's. But he's smart. Very smart. For example we had his parent conference a few day's ago. By March he should have averaged a score of 110 for reading comprehension. In November he scored a 134. Same for math. But the kid doesn't know how to apply himself to the work. He half asses everything. He doesn't finish his work. Ever. He's a great tester but when it comes to completing something, his teacher's tell me he always asks for bathroom breaks or to "stretch his legs"! haha! I can totally see him doing that too. So it's like I can't really get mad at him. The kid generally doesn't like school but he's good at it. Just lazy. I wonder where he gets that from? ;-)
I've been getting a lot of advice and help from Monster. He tells me time and time again, "you need to guide him". But I don't know how? I try to put stricter rules on him at home. Like no TV or electronics in the morning before school if he isn't dressed or ready. I make him read at least 3 pages in Spanish at night so he can learn 2 languages. I'm trying to give him good tips for table manners. But he has a debate for everything. Like for instance, if he burps while we are having dinner and I tell him to excuse himself, his debate is "Mom, everyone burps. Want me to hold it in and then my pansa will hurt?"! Or when I make him comb his hair. His reply is always "Mom, I'm already cute. I don't want to look any cuter". Everything is a debate with this kid. My cousin Kathy sent me an article once about how raising a stubborn child is a good thing. they will have a good future, good career's. They will question things and if something doesn't feel right, he ain't gonna do it. But as a mom currently raising such boy, it's hard for me. I loose my patience sometimes. I almost feel like I'm battling a brother or a friend and not my kid. Again, how do I guide him? How do I make him take me serious. I can't beat the shit out of the kid. People get all crazy about that now and day's. Yes he gets a spanking here and there but not even he takes me serious anymore. How do I get him to see me more as a parent and not a friend?
The kid cracks me up. He has a personality on him. He asked me yesterday that when he wakes up for his birthday is his voice going to change?! I told him not just yet and he had a few year's to go. But he said he already had hair on his legs and his armpits stink so why isn't his voice changing HAHA! I can't help but laugh when he says shit like this. He is seriously my favorite person in the whole world. I can't believe he's almost 8. I learn from him everyday. Even though he's going to be 8, he still needs his hugs and cuddles. Like today, he snuck in my room at 6 am. Before I almost kicked him out, I thought to myself "I won't be able to do this a few year's from now", so I let him stay and we cuddled until my alarm went off. I smelled his head and smelled the familiar scent that he has, and I squeezed his little skinny body and he fit perfectly in my arms. Maybe even a year from now I won't be able to do this. Time does really go by fast. Too fast. I look back at old picture's and I can't believe I have this little human that I am 100% responsible for. I live for him and him only.
I've been getting a lot of advice and help from Monster. He tells me time and time again, "you need to guide him". But I don't know how? I try to put stricter rules on him at home. Like no TV or electronics in the morning before school if he isn't dressed or ready. I make him read at least 3 pages in Spanish at night so he can learn 2 languages. I'm trying to give him good tips for table manners. But he has a debate for everything. Like for instance, if he burps while we are having dinner and I tell him to excuse himself, his debate is "Mom, everyone burps. Want me to hold it in and then my pansa will hurt?"! Or when I make him comb his hair. His reply is always "Mom, I'm already cute. I don't want to look any cuter". Everything is a debate with this kid. My cousin Kathy sent me an article once about how raising a stubborn child is a good thing. they will have a good future, good career's. They will question things and if something doesn't feel right, he ain't gonna do it. But as a mom currently raising such boy, it's hard for me. I loose my patience sometimes. I almost feel like I'm battling a brother or a friend and not my kid. Again, how do I guide him? How do I make him take me serious. I can't beat the shit out of the kid. People get all crazy about that now and day's. Yes he gets a spanking here and there but not even he takes me serious anymore. How do I get him to see me more as a parent and not a friend?
The kid cracks me up. He has a personality on him. He asked me yesterday that when he wakes up for his birthday is his voice going to change?! I told him not just yet and he had a few year's to go. But he said he already had hair on his legs and his armpits stink so why isn't his voice changing HAHA! I can't help but laugh when he says shit like this. He is seriously my favorite person in the whole world. I can't believe he's almost 8. I learn from him everyday. Even though he's going to be 8, he still needs his hugs and cuddles. Like today, he snuck in my room at 6 am. Before I almost kicked him out, I thought to myself "I won't be able to do this a few year's from now", so I let him stay and we cuddled until my alarm went off. I smelled his head and smelled the familiar scent that he has, and I squeezed his little skinny body and he fit perfectly in my arms. Maybe even a year from now I won't be able to do this. Time does really go by fast. Too fast. I look back at old picture's and I can't believe I have this little human that I am 100% responsible for. I live for him and him only.
Sunday, November 29, 2015
How important are date nights?
It is not a secret that I am not the greatest at dating. I was even crowned a "serial dater" for about 3 year's after my son's dad and I split. I just couldn't keep a relationship. And 90% of the time, I didn't even do shit! The dude's I dated were a bunch of moron's. Not men. Children. Some of them didn't even have their own place or steady jobs. I realize now that I did date losers and it wasn't my fault. And everyone kept telling me "The right one will come along".
It was always hard for me to have "date night's" cause I work weekends and I have my son most of the time. Dating someone that didn't have kid's was very challenging. They didn't get it. They didn't realize that my son comes first. Always and Forever. So for me to choose them over my kid, well that was not an option. At all. I am such an asshole that I would even tell myself "my son is going to keep me single". Cause for one, he's very sarcastic. He gives no fucks on who you are. If he feels like saying something that will possibly offend you, he's gonna say it anyway. I am not proud of this little trait he has, but it's who he is. He's still a good kid. A bit naughty sometimes, but smart. Very smart! So I always told myself that it would take a real man to be able to accept the package I come with. So when it came to me planning a date night and I couldn't cause I had my kid, the person I would be dating at the time just didn't get it. I couldn't be with someone that would even remotely make me choose.
I met Monster at the most fucked up time in my life. Like legit, fucked up. I was going through some crazy shit ('Maybe don't swipe at all' blog) and I swore I would never date another man in my life!!! But he came at the right time. I won't say too much about him. People that know me, know us, know that we are solid. The thing about Monster and I is, we have a combined 4 kids together. So date nights are very limited. We try. Lawwwd knows we try. We are always with our kids. Which is great! But I need my man. I miss my man. We see each other about 3x a week. We both work crazy schedule's. So whenever we have the opportunity for a date night, we jump on that shit quick! This past weekend was the first weekend where we were actually together for 2 nights in a row! We haven't done that since we started dating over 6 months ago! I realized this morning how important time is with someone you love. I felt a sense of relief. I felt at ease. I felt less grumpy. I felt the love he has for me. I felt the passion and the intense connection we have. I missed him. I really did. And I realized that we need to do this at least 1x a month. We need to get that spark going again. We are still in the "courting stage" as he likes to call it and we don't take advantage at all. We both know that our kids are in great hands with us. We entertain them a lot. But we are also adults. And we need to do adult things. I can't even tell you how good our weekend was.
Date nights are very important. Whether you've been dating 1 month, 3, 6, 5 years or married for 10. You have to make the time. Pay a 17 year old to watch your kid's. Beg a relative. Make it happen. It gives you sanity back. It makes you appreciate the little things your partner has to offer. Kid's are great! But a nice steak dinner and a show with your love come few and far in between and you gotta enjoy that shit.
It was always hard for me to have "date night's" cause I work weekends and I have my son most of the time. Dating someone that didn't have kid's was very challenging. They didn't get it. They didn't realize that my son comes first. Always and Forever. So for me to choose them over my kid, well that was not an option. At all. I am such an asshole that I would even tell myself "my son is going to keep me single". Cause for one, he's very sarcastic. He gives no fucks on who you are. If he feels like saying something that will possibly offend you, he's gonna say it anyway. I am not proud of this little trait he has, but it's who he is. He's still a good kid. A bit naughty sometimes, but smart. Very smart! So I always told myself that it would take a real man to be able to accept the package I come with. So when it came to me planning a date night and I couldn't cause I had my kid, the person I would be dating at the time just didn't get it. I couldn't be with someone that would even remotely make me choose.
I met Monster at the most fucked up time in my life. Like legit, fucked up. I was going through some crazy shit ('Maybe don't swipe at all' blog) and I swore I would never date another man in my life!!! But he came at the right time. I won't say too much about him. People that know me, know us, know that we are solid. The thing about Monster and I is, we have a combined 4 kids together. So date nights are very limited. We try. Lawwwd knows we try. We are always with our kids. Which is great! But I need my man. I miss my man. We see each other about 3x a week. We both work crazy schedule's. So whenever we have the opportunity for a date night, we jump on that shit quick! This past weekend was the first weekend where we were actually together for 2 nights in a row! We haven't done that since we started dating over 6 months ago! I realized this morning how important time is with someone you love. I felt a sense of relief. I felt at ease. I felt less grumpy. I felt the love he has for me. I felt the passion and the intense connection we have. I missed him. I really did. And I realized that we need to do this at least 1x a month. We need to get that spark going again. We are still in the "courting stage" as he likes to call it and we don't take advantage at all. We both know that our kids are in great hands with us. We entertain them a lot. But we are also adults. And we need to do adult things. I can't even tell you how good our weekend was.
Date nights are very important. Whether you've been dating 1 month, 3, 6, 5 years or married for 10. You have to make the time. Pay a 17 year old to watch your kid's. Beg a relative. Make it happen. It gives you sanity back. It makes you appreciate the little things your partner has to offer. Kid's are great! But a nice steak dinner and a show with your love come few and far in between and you gotta enjoy that shit.
Friday, November 13, 2015
I miss you DD boobs.
Fat. That's all it was. Fat. And now that I've become super health conscience, the fat is gone, there went my boobs. My boobs that I used to love to flaunt. Especially when I was pregnant and was engorged to a size F! I was THAT mom that was super proud of the big knockers! I used to always wear low cut shirts just to show them off! Then I had my kid and they became a saggy size DD, then a saggier D, then an even saggier C. Now my poor boobs are a size B. A nasty ass size B. They are so sad :-( I literally have to scoop them up and adjust what was left of my boobs into my bra. And I have to use the last clasp just to get some tightness to the boobage area. I bend down and my boobs, if I should even call them that, just hang. It's just skin that just hangs with a little extra fat and what used to be a nicely shaped nipple! And don't get me started on the stretch marks on my boobs. Because I was so big before and then shrunk down, the stretch marks came with a vengeance. It's like a Lioness came and she was a raging bitch and scratched me up! Damn whore!
I'll get a boob job one day. I'm going to eventually start a "Boob Fund"! And they will be a size D again and I will flaunt them how I used too. For now, I'll be sad and depressed that my boobs are non-existent. But I'm happy with my health right now. I'm happy that I've gotten rid of tons of fat. Inculding my belly. I won't even talk about my flat ass. I'll squat for that one! I have 2 people to thank for my healthy habits. My long time friend Jess and Monster. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't know how horrible our food is now and day's. I love to hear the backlash on my healthy eating habits. It's entertaining now. But I just sit back, smile, and enjoy my healthy poops!
I'll get a boob job one day. I'm going to eventually start a "Boob Fund"! And they will be a size D again and I will flaunt them how I used too. For now, I'll be sad and depressed that my boobs are non-existent. But I'm happy with my health right now. I'm happy that I've gotten rid of tons of fat. Inculding my belly. I won't even talk about my flat ass. I'll squat for that one! I have 2 people to thank for my healthy habits. My long time friend Jess and Monster. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't know how horrible our food is now and day's. I love to hear the backlash on my healthy eating habits. It's entertaining now. But I just sit back, smile, and enjoy my healthy poops!
Thursday, November 12, 2015
I'm ok with no TV or Wifi.
I haven't had many people over my new apartment. And those that do come over always seem to notice and ask, "You don't have a TV, computer or Wifi?". No. No I don't. And it is the greatest thing ever!
I have a hotspot on my phone that I rarely use. I'll turn it on if my son really wants to see something on the ipad, or if my Monster's oldest daughter is bored and wants to go online. But other then that, I don't ever use it. I don't care for it, I don't need it. Especially TV. I don't ever watch TV. If I need to watch anything, it is on Netflix or Hulu and I use my phone. I have unlimited data, so why not use it.
I LOVE not having a TV. My son has one in his room but he can only play video games and watch movies. He's so used to not having cable or regular TV that he truly doesn't give a shit. But I notice when I have people over, they think it's the weirdest thing ever and they just don't get it.
This world is sad now. Granted, I am a social media whore and I love posting stuff on social media. But TV is just so fake. Nothing but reality TV shows. And the news is just so fucking sad. Nothing but bad news, always. So I don't care for a TV. I don't care to own one BUT I eventually have too. My mom always says I need to worry about my guest's. That just because I don't want a TV, doesn't mean that when I have guest's, that they will be ok with it. I did notice that when my parent's came over, my dad seemed antsy that he didn't have anything to watch while sitting on my couch. I put on some spanish music and we did our thing but he was more restless then usual. I mean I get it, he's used to sitting on the couch or his bed and watching TV. So now I have to eventually suck it up and get a TV for my living room and get wifi for those that come over and don't have unlimited data like I do. Oh and now my son has mandatory homework online which is total bullshit! So I feel almost forced to purchase Wifi. Bastards!
I don't like the idea of it. I love my music. I have it on all the time. When I cook and when we sit down to eat. It's more peaceful to me. I am still debating on when to actually get a TV or Wifi. Kinda waiting on all them holiday specials to come out. I rather spend my money on a new tattoo or a new trip then to spend money on this piece of equipment that's gonna suck more brain cells from my son's head and now possibly mine. Damn you Walking Dead!
I have a hotspot on my phone that I rarely use. I'll turn it on if my son really wants to see something on the ipad, or if my Monster's oldest daughter is bored and wants to go online. But other then that, I don't ever use it. I don't care for it, I don't need it. Especially TV. I don't ever watch TV. If I need to watch anything, it is on Netflix or Hulu and I use my phone. I have unlimited data, so why not use it.
I LOVE not having a TV. My son has one in his room but he can only play video games and watch movies. He's so used to not having cable or regular TV that he truly doesn't give a shit. But I notice when I have people over, they think it's the weirdest thing ever and they just don't get it.
This world is sad now. Granted, I am a social media whore and I love posting stuff on social media. But TV is just so fake. Nothing but reality TV shows. And the news is just so fucking sad. Nothing but bad news, always. So I don't care for a TV. I don't care to own one BUT I eventually have too. My mom always says I need to worry about my guest's. That just because I don't want a TV, doesn't mean that when I have guest's, that they will be ok with it. I did notice that when my parent's came over, my dad seemed antsy that he didn't have anything to watch while sitting on my couch. I put on some spanish music and we did our thing but he was more restless then usual. I mean I get it, he's used to sitting on the couch or his bed and watching TV. So now I have to eventually suck it up and get a TV for my living room and get wifi for those that come over and don't have unlimited data like I do. Oh and now my son has mandatory homework online which is total bullshit! So I feel almost forced to purchase Wifi. Bastards!
I don't like the idea of it. I love my music. I have it on all the time. When I cook and when we sit down to eat. It's more peaceful to me. I am still debating on when to actually get a TV or Wifi. Kinda waiting on all them holiday specials to come out. I rather spend my money on a new tattoo or a new trip then to spend money on this piece of equipment that's gonna suck more brain cells from my son's head and now possibly mine. Damn you Walking Dead!
Thursday, October 22, 2015
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Am I failing as a parent?
My NicholasG! My love, heart, soul, the air I breathe! He is my life! Literally! My entire life my entire existence revolves around him. We are always together! I try to stay busy with him on my day's off and when I have him on certain wknds! It helps that Monster has kid's as well! These kids are spoiled! We have something to do almost every single wknd! Anyway, the kid has it all. His own room, game consoles, and he gets to get 1 snack or candy from the grocery store if he's been good! I've cut out so much junk food and processed food from our lives. So it's always a good treat! He's a spoiled kid. He's an only child on my side and his birthday is 4 days before Christmas Eve! The kid is spoiled!
Even as I write this, I'm thinking to myself, "dude you totally have fucked up your kid"! Seriously! Legit just thought that!
But I'm a disciplinary! I check him if he gets out of line. I have taken the ipad way for 2 month's! I've taken away the Xbox. But he doesn't care! It doesn't phase him. It goes over his head quick! I can scold him and lecture him and I stay pissed for like 3 hours and shit! And he's like talking to me after 15, 20 mins tops! As if nothing happened! And he won't ask for his stuff back. He patiently waits until I give it back after 5, 7 day's. Then he acts a fool again! And the foolishness gets more serious each time! Everyone says "he's just testing you...he doesn't fear you..."! Ok, hi! Testing done yet?! Wtf! Like right now he's probably been the most grounded, ever! I'm so ashamed of it that I can't even say what he did. I didn't spank him. I talked to him and I even cried. I even had to call my brother for back up. I again took the electronics away, and all his Godzilla toy's (his fave), I made him write a letter of apology, I emailed his teacher's and asked them to keep him inside for recess the next 2 day's, and he has standards for the next few days as well. But wanna know what hurt him the most? I didn't tuck him in tonight. I always tuck him in. And I smell his hair cause I love his scent. And I always turn the fan on for him cause the kid needs noise to sleep. And I didn't tonight. I always give his booty a little spank before I walk out of his room. Tonight I didn't. I always tell him "don't wake up before my alarm"! Tonight I didn't. He looked so sad. His eye's even got watery. He couldn't believe that I wasn't doing our nightly ritual. I was THAT mad! And I told him "I just can't be nice right now Nick". And he went into his room and turned on his fan, grabbed his Sharkey and put the blankets over his head.
I had a good cry after that. Then I went into his room when I knew he was asleep. I can't go to bed without checking on him. I felt antsy. Anxious. Nervous. He's my LoveBug. And all I want is the best for him. I want him to be a good kid. I want him to be responsible and respectful. How do I fix what I fucked up? How do I get back on track? Yes I have my Monster to help me, and Nick sees his dad. But I still have him more then anyone. I'm still his biggest influence. Did I just fuck up my kid? What am I doing wrong? This job is hard.
Even as I write this, I'm thinking to myself, "dude you totally have fucked up your kid"! Seriously! Legit just thought that!
But I'm a disciplinary! I check him if he gets out of line. I have taken the ipad way for 2 month's! I've taken away the Xbox. But he doesn't care! It doesn't phase him. It goes over his head quick! I can scold him and lecture him and I stay pissed for like 3 hours and shit! And he's like talking to me after 15, 20 mins tops! As if nothing happened! And he won't ask for his stuff back. He patiently waits until I give it back after 5, 7 day's. Then he acts a fool again! And the foolishness gets more serious each time! Everyone says "he's just testing you...he doesn't fear you..."! Ok, hi! Testing done yet?! Wtf! Like right now he's probably been the most grounded, ever! I'm so ashamed of it that I can't even say what he did. I didn't spank him. I talked to him and I even cried. I even had to call my brother for back up. I again took the electronics away, and all his Godzilla toy's (his fave), I made him write a letter of apology, I emailed his teacher's and asked them to keep him inside for recess the next 2 day's, and he has standards for the next few days as well. But wanna know what hurt him the most? I didn't tuck him in tonight. I always tuck him in. And I smell his hair cause I love his scent. And I always turn the fan on for him cause the kid needs noise to sleep. And I didn't tonight. I always give his booty a little spank before I walk out of his room. Tonight I didn't. I always tell him "don't wake up before my alarm"! Tonight I didn't. He looked so sad. His eye's even got watery. He couldn't believe that I wasn't doing our nightly ritual. I was THAT mad! And I told him "I just can't be nice right now Nick". And he went into his room and turned on his fan, grabbed his Sharkey and put the blankets over his head.
I had a good cry after that. Then I went into his room when I knew he was asleep. I can't go to bed without checking on him. I felt antsy. Anxious. Nervous. He's my LoveBug. And all I want is the best for him. I want him to be a good kid. I want him to be responsible and respectful. How do I fix what I fucked up? How do I get back on track? Yes I have my Monster to help me, and Nick sees his dad. But I still have him more then anyone. I'm still his biggest influence. Did I just fuck up my kid? What am I doing wrong? This job is hard.
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
Oh rosacea!
So if you know me, like know me know me, you'll know that my face is my BIGGEST insecurity ever! Bigger then my saggy boobs, my non perky butt and my crooked bottom teeth. I can use a push up bra for my boobs, and I can squat more for my ass, and eventually I'll get braces for my teeth. But my face! My face is so hard to hide. Not even the best make-up in the world can help my shit out. To hear co-workers tell me "Oh your face looks so much better today" sometimes makes me feel like shit. Like ugh, they totally notice when I'm not flared up! I hear it from everyone, even my amazing Monster that my face doesn't define me. I get that. BUT when you gotta look at my face on the daily like I do, it really takes a toll on my mentals. I've tried EVERYTHING! From coconut oil pills to Reishi pills, lavender, V6 Oil, oatmeal, honey. Todo! There is one thing that calms my face down. Doesn't clear me up, but calms it down. And that's Primrose. I used to take it all the time. Then I stopped for a while. I had introduced my sister-in-law to it and one day she asked why did I stop. I didn't really have an answer. So I started taking it again. I haven't had a huge flare up since then. I'm always rosey and have permanent blush, but I haven't had that painful feeling I get when I get a flare up. Have you guy's ever felt massive pain in your face? Where you call off of work, or ditch a family party cause you just have so much pain it hurts to even put lotion on? I have, for many years. It is the shittiest feeling ever! Dude, like you can't hide when your face is swollen. You just can't. Everyday I think it might be getting better. Everyday I'm like "Ok, it isn't that red, make-up will be on point today". Then I wake up the next day and it hurts to the touch. Everything I read about it says I'm pretty much fucked until I'm about 50 years old. That the flare ups won't stop. And it says to eliminate this and that and live in a bubble. I've given up so much! Yogurt, Vodka, Tequila, Beer, Spinach, Kale. So much! Something else that has semi helped me is CBD oil. People that are very closed minded would not even give CBD oil a chance. Do your research, then bitch to me about your beliefs. But when I get really swollen, I dab some on my worst parts and it calms down a bit. Will it ever really go away? Who knows. Am I learning to live with it? Barely! Do I like when people point out my face? Fuck no! So my advice to you, if you know someone with rosacea or bad acne or just a skin condition that you know nothing about, it is best to not stare or ask. If we want to talk about it, we will. If there is anyone out there reading this and you know exactly what I'm talking about, try the primrose. It won't cure you 100% but you'll see a difference. One day I'll feel super pretty and legit. As of right now, them filters on my apps work just fine!
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
Maybe don't swipe at all!
Online dating. Everyone is doing it, or knows someone who's doing it. It's the thing to do now and day's. It's relatively easy. You have the chance to check out these pics of this stranger and exchange a few messages to see if you'll hit it off. It's way easier then going to a bar or lounge and trying to talk to someone over loud ass music and maybe a buzz. Over the phone, social media, emails, you will know in a few messages if you want to meet up with them. If you don't, you blow them off and block them and you'll never have to worry about it again.....if you're lucky.
You see, there is a slight chance that you do like the pics, and the messages, and you think to yourself, "we've talked enough. They are legit" so you decide to meet for dinner. Public place. Always! You hit it off. Right off the bat. They are attractive, you know they find you attractive and you have a really good time. You continue with this person. Realize it's not just a fling or hook up. You start seeing each other a few times a week. Spend every second you can with them. You enjoy it so much you force yourself to ignore the red flags. Don't ignore the red flags people. They are fucking RIGHT THERE for a reason! Anyway, you start making excuses for said red flags. Even your friend's warn you and you ignore it. Say to yourself "they will change. They are just not used to my personality". Or, maybe they were just having a bad day. Then it just gets worse and worse. And it gets to a point where you realize you are way too independent to let someone tell you what to do. So you end it. Or you try to at least. See, you don't realize how vulnerable you had become. You had never let anyone have control over you and then this 'thing' comes along and it's such a fucked up feeling to not have your power. To not have control. But what you do have is a shit load of bad ass friends and family. You have a support system. So they help you get past it. They help you move on. And you do. And quick too. Cause when you get that fucking scared of a person, nothing nice they ever did or said matters anymore. It's actually sickening. It was such a waste of time. But it's something that some people have to go through. A weird and fucked up life lesson. But you learn. Some people unfortunately don't learn or it's hard for them to get out. They think the other person would really hurt themselves or hurt them and they are scared and think no one will understand. And they stay in these toxic relationships. But everyone should know that there is help out there. It is at the tip of your finger tips and in your support system. Use them! And know that you don't ever, ever, ever have to stay if you don't want too! Also, don't blame yourself cause someone is sick in the cabeza! You didn't know this was going to happen. But you did and you CAN do anything to get away and get out. It will suck for a few weeks, but you'll heal.
Meeting people in general is hard. Online or a bar. Dating is hard. Relationships are hard. But what's not hard are those red flags that pop up quick. They are easy to spot. Be smart. Use your judgment and kick the psycho to the curb! ✌🏼
A good one will come into your life when you least expect it. And you'll open up your heart again. Cause you know at the end of the day, no matter what situation you'll be faced with, you'll be ok. You always are.
You see, there is a slight chance that you do like the pics, and the messages, and you think to yourself, "we've talked enough. They are legit" so you decide to meet for dinner. Public place. Always! You hit it off. Right off the bat. They are attractive, you know they find you attractive and you have a really good time. You continue with this person. Realize it's not just a fling or hook up. You start seeing each other a few times a week. Spend every second you can with them. You enjoy it so much you force yourself to ignore the red flags. Don't ignore the red flags people. They are fucking RIGHT THERE for a reason! Anyway, you start making excuses for said red flags. Even your friend's warn you and you ignore it. Say to yourself "they will change. They are just not used to my personality". Or, maybe they were just having a bad day. Then it just gets worse and worse. And it gets to a point where you realize you are way too independent to let someone tell you what to do. So you end it. Or you try to at least. See, you don't realize how vulnerable you had become. You had never let anyone have control over you and then this 'thing' comes along and it's such a fucked up feeling to not have your power. To not have control. But what you do have is a shit load of bad ass friends and family. You have a support system. So they help you get past it. They help you move on. And you do. And quick too. Cause when you get that fucking scared of a person, nothing nice they ever did or said matters anymore. It's actually sickening. It was such a waste of time. But it's something that some people have to go through. A weird and fucked up life lesson. But you learn. Some people unfortunately don't learn or it's hard for them to get out. They think the other person would really hurt themselves or hurt them and they are scared and think no one will understand. And they stay in these toxic relationships. But everyone should know that there is help out there. It is at the tip of your finger tips and in your support system. Use them! And know that you don't ever, ever, ever have to stay if you don't want too! Also, don't blame yourself cause someone is sick in the cabeza! You didn't know this was going to happen. But you did and you CAN do anything to get away and get out. It will suck for a few weeks, but you'll heal.
Meeting people in general is hard. Online or a bar. Dating is hard. Relationships are hard. But what's not hard are those red flags that pop up quick. They are easy to spot. Be smart. Use your judgment and kick the psycho to the curb! ✌🏼
A good one will come into your life when you least expect it. And you'll open up your heart again. Cause you know at the end of the day, no matter what situation you'll be faced with, you'll be ok. You always are.
Monday, April 20, 2015
Am I too used to being alone?
So it is evidently obvious that The Great Stefonsky can't keep a man. I'm what you call a 'serial dater'. I've been 'technically' single for 3 years now. I haven't really had anything steady. The second I think it is, all shit hits the fan and they run for the hills. I don't even think I do anything bad LOL! But maybe I do. Maybe I act like a complete ass and not even know it. Maybe I make it too obvious that I don't wanna hang out on a Friday night cause I wanna be in my chonies watching TV or a movie! Maybe it's because I hate wearing heels or doing my hair so I show up on our first date wearing Chucks with my glasses on and hair in a bun! Maybe I don't wanna act all fake and be someone I'm not just to 'have a man'. This dating shit is hard work. It's stressful! I sometimes think I am fully ok with being forever single and just being with my son. I've been good this long. I feel like I'm cursed anyway! Like the minute my black heart starts turning purple, everything just falls apart!
And there are so many different breeds of men. Especially in my shitty town. There are no normal ones! I don't get it. I just can't put my finger on the men here. And everyone knows everyone. It can be someone across town but somehow ya'll have mutual friends. It sucks man. But maybe it isn't all me. Cause these last few times, I thought I was the greatest chick to date. Then he turns out to be a pinche cabron!
Or maybe I need another 3 years to be single. Maybe I still need to grow a bit more. Maybe these next 3 years my kid is gonna need me more then ever. Maybe it's all for a reason. Maybe I'm a serial dater because deep down inside, I can't even date myself! I wouldn't like to.
And there are so many different breeds of men. Especially in my shitty town. There are no normal ones! I don't get it. I just can't put my finger on the men here. And everyone knows everyone. It can be someone across town but somehow ya'll have mutual friends. It sucks man. But maybe it isn't all me. Cause these last few times, I thought I was the greatest chick to date. Then he turns out to be a pinche cabron!
Or maybe I need another 3 years to be single. Maybe I still need to grow a bit more. Maybe these next 3 years my kid is gonna need me more then ever. Maybe it's all for a reason. Maybe I'm a serial dater because deep down inside, I can't even date myself! I wouldn't like to.
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