It's daily

I am growing up. Finally. Kinda, like a little. I'm a 29 year old single mom. Totally a statistic. And I've realized since I've became single that I am learning new things about myself, life, my son and this fucked up world. I've learned who I can truly count on. Who I cannot trust. I've learned that I actually hate things I thought I liked for the past 7 years and I've learned to love new things. In the past 7 months I have changed, or became the real me. Whatever way you want to look at it. I think I was doing stuff to make others happy. My son's dad, my parents, my siblings, some of my friends. Now I see just ME and my kid. It's just us at the end of the day. I can't care about what anyone thinks about me or my life or the decisions I make. I sometimes want to scream at people to shut the fuck up! We all have our struggles and our demons in the closet. But only we ourselves can fight our own battle's. Like I have recently stopped drinking. I'll have a beer here and there or wine and people actually criticize me about it. "You don't drink anymore? Why?" Uhhhhhh, because I don't need booze to have fun! I'm at a very healthy weight even though people talk shit about my body! Since when did alcohol reduction make you not cool?! Dumb. I left my son's dad. Well actually it was very mutual. But anyway, all I heard was "but you guys have a family, you HAVE to make it work". Don't you think we did try for 7 years?? Sometimes things are not meant to be! It kills me when people feel they need to stay with their baby daddy/momma just cause they have a kid. If you are not happy, get out. Walk away. Why are you suffering? I struggle everyday being single. Even though I live with my amazing Aunt and cousin's, I still struggle. They are not responsible for my son. Being a single parent is hard but it's ok! I'm happier now! Being single totally sucks! I hate dating. Especially in this town! Ayayaya! No normal men! I'm sure they are out there and I'm sure there are some great guys out there. But it's just not my time. Just not now. I hope one day I can be happy again. I KNOW one day I will. Will it take me moving to Dallas within the next 5 years for that to happen? Maybe. It's in my 5 year plan. I have to have a plan. I'm not a child anymore. I'm an adult. I'm a mom. I'm FREE!

I value this friendship

I don't know if these bitches in front of me have any idea how much I love them! "If you suffer in your death...." Is the current subject of conversation! We have the most random shit in our itinerary. I don't think anyone would be able to understand us. I think some would call us "boring". We don't really enjoy getting ready to go out. We don't have weekends planned. We all have kids and family that we spend most of our time with. What we have is a lunch date during the week and a weekend out. Most of the time, "our weekend" is hanging out at VOR or Nighthawk's house, eating, talking, decorating and eating again! When I sometimes tell my family or friends about my time with my girls, they always ask "is that all you guys did?" uhhh, yeah!! What else should we be doing? We are not 21! We enjoy the schedule we have! We have also, 2 years in a row, have had a weekend trip! Last year was Laguna Beach, CA. This year was a "staycation" at The Palazzo. We got massages & ate, ate, ate! Next year we are thinking San Francisco or another "staycation" here in Vegas! Whatever we do, we do it all in our time, our way, our schedule! This friendship is neat! I still have my Cali bitches that I LOVE with all my heart! But these bitches here took me 5 years to find!! They accept my randomness. Like how today I was on my cell phone and I got up and VOR said "what are you doing?" and I said "Looking for my phone"! LOL LOL! I swear that happened! They accept it all! Especially my psychoness when I say that Paul Rudd or Daniel Tosh will one day give it to me good!! I accept VOR's bossiness! I feel like we are in control! If VOR has it written down, typed or just in her head, we are golden! From breakfast to dinner, we are SET! This bitch is one of the smartest people I have EVER met! My official "financial advisor"! And then there is Nighthawk! I see her as a "momma stephanie" sometimes too. She takes care of us! She's real! Tells it like it mother fucken is! "There is someone down the street worse off then you"! That's what I hear when I bitch about my debt, face, vagina or assholes. Not my asshole, but just ASSHOLES!! And then I suck it up! Cause she's right! She deserves absolutely EVERYTHING that she has going on in her life! And she deserves so much more! She is also by far one of the most patient people I know! I don't know if she even realizes it. But she is calm in situations that I freak the fuck out about! I need to learn from her and VOR! I need to have control of my life and be patient for it to wait to get that way!

Ok I have to go now! I need to raid VOR's pantry! Peace out Bitchesssss!

Shut Up whores! We are not OLD!!!!

This year is almost over!

What the fuck?! Is it really half way through September already? Where did the previous 9 months go? It's been one of the craziest years I have ever had in my life. It literally all started last September, the first time I became single for about a month. Now, a year later I am truly single. Lonely and bored about 90% of the time but it's ok! I'm about 25 pounds skinnier then I was a year ago. I'm blonder, wiser, more broke, and kinda homeless but happy none the less! I still haven't saved enough money to get my own place. I really miss my privacy. I feel like my son and I are such baggage here. I like it here and my family is fucken amazing but still, I'm sure they miss having the house quiet as well. Soon, I'll be a big girl and be able to afford all my single mom issues that come with my life!

The shittiest thing by far that has happened this year is that Multiple Myeloma Cancer took my grandfather's life. He battled for a LONG time! He toughed it out man. It was the hardest thing that I have ever had to witness in my life. Ever. He was taken in July. I've already gotten a new tattoo to honor him. A Dodger hat with the Multiple Myeloma Cancer ribbon and a banner with his nickname "Apa". I'm not a huge Dodger fan, nor am I a hater. But if you knew my Apa, you knew he was all Dodgers. So I did it for him. He's always with me! I talk to my son about him and he knows his Grandpa is up in the sky! Te quiero mucho Apa!

Work! What can I say about work? It keeps me busy! I still get yelled at by guests sometimes when shit doesn't go their way! I still meet tons of famous people. Some nice, some way too cocky. Like, calm the fuck down. You don't need to check in with an alias. No one is gonna stalk you! I like the nice one's though, for sure! Still no eye candy though! It's like everyone I work with is barely turning 21! Not like I would date anyone at work but it would be nice to look at something nice while I am there!!! And the guest that actually hit on me always happen to be 40 and over and married! Thanks married men for making me realize that there is nothing out there for me!

Friends!! Still have like only 3 in Vegas! My JoJo, VOR and Nighthawk. I see them all when I have time, or when we all have time. We all have crazy schedules. I feel like I only have friends 1x a month. I'm either always working or have my son on my weekends off. I can't complain too much I guess. It's what a mom does. Work and no play. I'm proud though! Not like other mom's that want to fuck around every single weekend. Or have babysitters every single weekend! I enjoy the time I have with my kid. Of course i totally do have my moments when I wanna pull my hair out and cry, but I rather have those moments then to be a fucked up mom and not have my kid! Just yesterday my kid and I spent 2 hours at the water park! Then we went for ice cream and then I spent more money on him for school uniforms :-) Now I am currently watching Scooby-Doo and waiting for football to come on!!!

Ok, I'm done! Have a good day! I'll try to blog more often! Peace bitches!

What is up?!

I don't really know why I just changed the font and color to this blog.

So, hey!!! What is up?! I'm good! Currently hanging with my dogs! I'm still employed, which is awesome. Still a mom :-), still single and still very happy! I am still struggling financially but who doesn't every now and then right! I'm healthy, in shape, look good in a bikini these days! But I need more tattoos!!! Unfortunately the one thing that isn't going right is my Apa's cancer. Such a horrible disease. What it does to our loved one is just heartbreaking. I just wished he wasn't in so much pain.

Currently on my play list is Kimbra. Have you guys heard her?! She's fucken great. Take a listen.

That's all I have :-)

One gets braver with booze

It's no secret that I tend to post lots of drunk Facebook statuses, Tweets, blogs and texts when I'm buzzed/drunk. But why? I know I'm not the only one. What causes us to think we are sexier and more chingones when we drink? I am already blunt. Super blunt. I don't hold back too often, like ever. But for some reason when I add booze to the mix, I escalate my bluntness to the max. I know I offend some or irritate some but then my "I don't give a shit attitude" kicks in and well frankly, I don't give a shit! I tell people all the time: "You don't like what I have to say, unfollow". Simple as that. You think I'm gonna get hurt cause someone deletes me off twitter or facebook? I mean really, when's the last time I saw your ass anyway! How is you being my friend affecting my everyday life? Cause it's not, like at all! Fuck I'm buzzed. Anyway, I think there is a fun brave with booze and just a plain piece of shit brave with booze. I like the fun brave with booze kinda people better. I hate drama drunk people. Such buzz kills right? If you are over the age of 25 and still feel the need to "tell a bitch off cause she was looking at my man" kinda drunk, chances are, I would never wanna drink with you. Especially dude's. No wait, bitches are crazier. Dude's get all chingones too and they just look sad. Such a turn off. Anyway, now that I am single, I can't wait to meet more fun brave with booze kinda peeps!

This is gross. Men look away NOW!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Seriously, MEN, get the fuck off this page quick~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Can I just say FUCK YOU IUD!!! You have seriously ruined my uterus, vagina, sex life, social life. You SUCK! Who invented you? Why must you live in my uterus! Why don't you just fall off please!! I know what you're thinking, "pay for that shit to come out if you hate it so much". To that I say, suck my nuts! I don't have insurance or "a savings" lying around. I haven't qualified for insurance yet. It's not that easy. Anyway! This shit has made my periods so disgusting. I bleed like a mother fucker! It's just so heavy. I ruin so many cute pairs of underwear. The cramps are unbearable sometimes. I get light headed and nauseous. I almost miss taking a daily pill. I used to bitch about it. Now how I wish I can turn back time. I hate this thing. Not only does it just suck in general, I now know 2 girls that got preggo while having an IUD. No manches! That's crazy! I just want you to know that if you are having these fucked up vagina problem's, you are not alone.

A Good Day!

You know how when you wake up you instantly tell yourself, "I'm gonna have a good day!" but it doesn't turn out like that cause some asshole probably ruined it for you right?! Well, for the first time in a REALLY long time, I had a good fucken day! It started off Friday night really. I did nothing! I stayed home, my son was with his dad. I literally ate apple pie for dinner that night with 3 beers. I was so excited to sleep in on Saturday. My first Saturday off since January! I still woke up kinda early but just laid in bed for like 2 hours. It was great! I showered in peace, I got ready with calmness, and then I picked up my son when I was all ready! I haven't been able to do that in so long. I wasn't rushed or stressed about ANYTHING! Maybe just about running out of gas on the freeway, but ehh. Anyway, so then I went to my good gf's house and we talked with our other hootchie and just had a great afternoon. My friend's husband watched my son so I can get ready. Again, with calmness! I did my makeup, switched up the outfit a bit, I semi combed my hair! It was, again, great! Then drinks with a buddy and drinks with more friends and backstage passes to a bad ass concert! I was never in a bad mood. I was always with a smile on my face and a glass of wine in my hand! And great, great friends that I was surrounded with. I had a good fucken day! I hope I can get more of these days, and soon! I know having a good day isn't very easy but now I'm going to try extra hard to have more of them. I need to be a bit more patient. Seriously! All it takes is for one person or one situation to fuck it all up. But I will definitely try to be a bit more patient with all situations!

Almost a month

Hola! Buenos dias mi gente! I hope you are all having an awesome day! Mine is going ok so far! I can say I actually woke up feeling good. Now, I haven't really spoken of what's been going on in my life. Well, I am recently single. Almost a month now. It was a very long term relationship. 7 years! We shared 2 kids, 2 dogs, 9 fish, a home and each other. We had some AMAZING moments! We traveled a bit, met new people together. Made lots of mutual friends. We enjoyed watching football together, shows and movies. We shared almost nightly homemade meals. Lots of hugs, kisses, and tears. Sometimes things just don't work out and can't move forward. I don't regret the past 7 years. I got a handsome little boy from this and a life long step son who I love as my own. At times I do get angry, cry and say I hate my life. That I failed at giving my son a good steady life. That I should have tried harder. That I should have just shut my fucken mouth when we fought. But you know, I can say I tried. I honestly deep down inside am very satisfied that I tried. I still love him. How can you not after 7 years. But it's not the love we had in the beginning. I am sure he can agree as well. The decision was mutual. I couldn't stand his certain habits and he couldn't stand mine. I don't hate him. I am trying to keep it civil with him. We didn't split up because of a 3rd party, or physical abuse or anything like that. It just ran it's course. Will we be best friends down the road? I don't know. I've never kept in touch with anyone I've dated. But with him, obviously we kinda have too! We have a kid! But he's been one of my best friends for 7 years! I still talk to him or text him. And we are cordial. It's funny cause when I'm sad about him and I, all I wanna do is call HIM! But i refrain from it. I don't think it would make the process better! But I just hope we can be peaceful. He is a good man and a good dad. I think the hardest part of all this is hearing my son ask questions. Even at 4 years old it's crazy how much he knows or feels. I hate when I discipline him and he cries for his dad. But I know he isn't the first kid or the last kid that will go through this. I just hope I don't screw up. I want him to grow up and love his life. And to know that his mom and dad tried to make it work. I think in order for him to be ok, I have to be ok. I'm not quiet there yet. I cry often. You just get used to a person and a certain life style. I don't have the same privacy I had when I lived him him. It's different. But I like it. I always say "Change is good!" I'm still slimming down. Not sure on the weight but down to a 3/4 in shorts/jeans. It's not all sexy though! I need to tone the fuck up! My aunt takes care of me. She asks me daily if I've ate and she encourages me to work out to release endorphin's and stress. I can't thank her enough. I owe her soooo much. She and her kids also help a lot with my son. They keep him entertained and help when he's acting a fool. He'll be ok! and I'll be ok! And I am looking forward to go apartment hunting within a few months. Still need to save up more money! It's what I'm looking forward too. A fresh start! If Heidi Klum can do it with 4 kids and properties, then I can do it. :-)

I'm OK.

Hola my imaginary peeps that I think actually ready my blog! LOL! It's been a while since I last wrote. Sorry. I just can't blog properly on my phone. I must be behind a CPU and that rarely happens now. But anyway, I'm here now. Things have changed quiet a bit in the last couple of weeks. For one, I passed my 90 day probation at work and I'm still there! Yeah for me! Now to just make it to 6 months! More dinero! Hmmm, what else, planning a little getaway within a year! I am paying off my debt & I am looking forward to a new place! I honestly feel great right now. I've also lost some weight and I just feel better about myself. I was determined to have a good year and I really plan to stick to it. Not everyday is a good day. Of course I have days when I wanna give the dogs away, or my son ;-) or i want to rip my uterus out or I want to yell back at a guest! But not the whole day is bad. I get a laugh out almost everyday! I just finally think I like myself. Is that sad? Like I've accepted the fact that I have cellulite in my stomach. It's gross, not attractive but it's there and it's been there for years! I've also finally accepted that I have shitty ass skin! Am I gonna stop bitching about it? Probably not. But I've accepted it. I've accepted the fact that I am a statistic and so is my son. Am I surprised? Kinda. Yeah. But it's life. Everything we encounter daily is not always gonna suck. We seriously just gotta be thankful for the good shit that we go through. Fo' Real! I'm not blaming anyone for how I've been in the past. No one has made me change or made me different. It's been all me! I like the me I am right this second! Like right now! And to think, I have 3 pimples right now! Huge nasty red one's. But eh, it is what it is! Anyway, this kinda went everywhere! I must exit the premises now.

Cause she's "Awesome"!

I have a friend. We'll call her "Awesome". She truly lives by her nick name. I have lost count on how many times this woman has done runs/walks/mud runs/hikes for events to raise money for something good. Well she is at it again! This time for: CATS: Center for Assault Treatment Services’ Victory for Victims Walk/Run April 15th, 2012. It helps all victims of sexual abuse and assault. It helps the healing process. It's a great organization. I looked into it and read about what they do. I think Awesome is great! She works HARD! Has an adorable baby girl and a huge family. She doesn't have to do these things but she does. I honestly don't know anyone else that does more of these events then her. NO ONE! I think you should all donate to this cause or just even look up causes around your city and donate to that! Or even just volunteer. I know I can do better then what I've done in the past. The last thing I did was a walk for cancer. I want to do more. If I can't do the actual run/walk, I at least donate $20 dollars. I think people that stay home should look into this. Or if you work for a big company, get a group together and donate or run/walk! Not only for humans, but for animals too! It makes you feel good that you have done a good deed! Try it :-) AWESOME did and now she can't stop! I have put some links on this blog so you can see for your self!

http://www.abuse-assaultservices.org/victory.html
http://www.active.com/donate/Victory4victims12/IToledo

Will he ever have a good day?

Oh son. Son, son sonnnnn!!!!!! I am being influenced by this blog as my screaming 4 year old is bugging me for attention! He's mad that I'm on the CPU and not letting him watch videos on YouTube! So this might be kinda a repeat blog from a few months ago but fuck it, it's what's on my mind right now. Did you know that my son has cried EVERY-SINGLE-DAY of his life since he's been born? I am SO NOT exaggerating this! He is such a whiny kid. Just whines and cries about everything! I HATE when people tell me "You don't whoop him enough". Or "send him to me, I'll fix him". To that, I tell everyone SHUT THE FUCK UP! I am a pretty strict mom. I do discipline my child. I have spanked my child and he does have a "naughty chair". This is who he is. He has a mind of his own and boy is he stubborn!!! He has his dad, my dad, his great grandpa and me all mixed in one. Poor kid. It's in his genes and blood line to be a semi pain in the butt! He doesn't get his way and the throws himself on the floor. I tell him "no" and he starts doing this growling noise and his veins pop out of his neck and head. He is truly a special boy LOL! But he's my special boy. When he sometimes acts a fool, I'll just stare at him until he laughs. The worst part is in public. I get stares from people. Some people look at me with the "please smack your child" look and some look at me like "do something and we'll call CPS on you". I don't win. Ever. I think people in the public are too fucken nosey anyway. He is MY SON. AND Nevada is a disciplinary state. We are actually ALLOWED to discipline our children in public. But chichis forbid you actually do something and someone give you their chismoso opinion about it. Which then causes another issue cause I have a big mouth and will probably end up arguing with them.  Point is, every kid is different. Every kid will listen to who they want to listen too. Like my brother-in-law thinks he's super chingon with kids. He couldn't even put my son in time-out. My son didn't listen to him. It's who he is! I can't stress it enough. You might have an amazing 5 year old, and then a shitty ass 3 year old. You might have thought to yourself "well my 5 year old was great, so my 3 year old will be too". But that's not reality. Reality is, some kids are just wired different. Not all kids are perfect no matter how you raise them, feed them, teach them. They are their own little person! My son has potential for something. An actor, singer, entertainer of some sort. Sure it can also be me thinking he's has talent, but I'm not the only one who has said it. One day he'll grow up and mature. (Please do son, please). Until then, I have to deal with the tantrums and the criticism I get from people that think I am not raising my child right. I love my kid no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT! Plus, he is extremely handsome! I can't help but smile when I see him in a good mood and he's smiling. Or when he's asleep. That's my favorite part ;-)

What a good kinda' change!

So, if you know me, like actually truly KNOW ME, you know I've struggled a bit with being feminine. I've always been a tomboy and still consider myself one. But now things have shifted a bit. I'm at a good weight. I feel good about myself. I seriously can't leave the house anymore without make-up. It has to be compact or mascara, something! It just makes me feel better. I feel more attractive and confident. So I am enjoying this little change of mine! You know what I can't change? My hair! I seriously can't comb my hair for shit!!! I just don't know how! I can flat iron it and give it a little curl and that's it! On my lazy days, which is like 5 days out of the week, I usually just throw my hair in a pony tail. If I want to feel different, I'll braid it. But that's as far as I go. I see all these heinas with cute ass hair styles and I just want to yank their hair off out of pure jealousy ;-) just kidding! haha! But seriously! I need to figure this shit out! I want to YouTube videos that help put on make-up and give you hair tips but I don't even know where to start!! I'll get there though! I already feel sexier so watcha' when I figure it all out for good! SAS!

Different people, every day!

I know it's only been a few weeks but I actually kinda, sorta, really like my new job. Those that know me personally know what said job is. I deal with super nice people, drunk people, hungover people, really grumpy people and just plain mean people! But the good totalllllly without a doubt outweigh the bad! My schedule still kinda sucks. Like today is Monday but it's really my Thursday. But not really cause I'm working 8 days in a row. So technically my Wednesday? See, I don't even know. I'm all screwed up. I was asleep by 7:30 last night cause I was at work at 6:00 am! I can't wait to get a set schedule. But for now this will do. I feel like I am spending a little less time with Mustang Man and the boys but that's also a bit of a plus. El Flaco for the most part is in school and actually likes it! Mustang Man actually gets to spend time in his man cave without me being a nag about it. It's working out well for everyone. I miss them more and we all seem to be getting along good. Oh and I've stuck to the whole not drinking as much too. I've had 2 beers in the past 5-8 days. Something like that. I had wine last week and that was only 2 glasses. Work wears me out. The people wear me out but in a good way. Like even the grumpy one's can't ruin my day. It's not my fault that they "requested" something and didn't get it at check-in cause nothing is guaranteed until you check-in people, FYI! Places sell out. It happens and I do feel bad about it sometimes but I don't own the place so SAS! But anyway, I hope I didn't just jinx myself about liking my job. Actually, I didn't! It's a good job! The pay sucks ass but I am glad the Mustang Man has been there for the financial support! In a few months, we'll be doing even better! Summerlin, I have my eyes on you!

Can I actually stick to it?

Drinking less. Drinking more responsibly. Can I stick to having 4-5 beers when I am out and about at a bar, house party, or just here at home on my day off? I think I can. Why does writing this make me nervous! I don't have a drinking problem. I don't drink everyday. But I think when I drink I try to see how far I can go without waking up with a hangover. I know it's more then 5 beers that will get me that way. That's why I don't want to go past 5 anymore. Sometimes being drunk isn't actually that fun! It can make you look like a fool and you don't even know it. You might think you're being funny dancing on a table and then falling on your ass. But then you see your pics on facebook and, well, not so cute right?! So yeah, I think I'm done drinking more then 5 beers per event or if I am drinking wine, I'll stick to 3-4 glasses. I need to get healthier. I do pretty good during lunch. And for the most part I cook at home. But my beer belly ain't gonna go away if I have a beer every day while I cook! So I'm done with that. I'll stick to my day's off of when I have a really shitty day. And even then, I think on my days that I do work, it should only be a 2 beer kinda night. I see what booze can do to people. And it's kinda sad. Especially when I see certain family members and I see the effects the alcohol has done to them. Time to get healthier. But fuck that! Don't you dare make me break my flammin' hot cheetos addiction. I'll cut you!

A bit of a ride!

January 4, 2012. Holy Shit. Where in the fuck face did 2011 go? It seemed like it was a 6 month year! Its just flew man. I think 2011 was one of the craziest, dramatic, saddest, angriest years of my life! I mean I can probably write a damn book about everything that happened in 2011! I lost family members, I lost friends, jobs, money, a relationship, my sanity, SAS! Todo! I regret some things I did even though I try to not live with having any regrets. I wish I could have stuck to many things I wanted to. I wish I can take a lot of things back, especially words. But I can't. I can't do any of those things. It's done. It's over with. Time to just move on with my big girl panties! Although the first 2 days of 2012 were a complete fucking failure, I do see only good things happening from this day forward. Many don't agree with certain decisions I have made recently and some actually understand. But I can't sit here and be freaking out about what people are going to say or think of me. They don't pay my bills or support my son. Which are pretty much the 2 things I work for haha! I don't know. I just  have to be positive. I have to just have this vision in my head that pure awesomeness awaits me. I don't really have a choice! Especially with my new job! I don't see myself in the position I am in for the long run. Not at all. There is only one more way for me to go and that's UP! I see it. Like, I can literally fucken see that shit dude! UP! Just moving my ass on UP! I know I won't have much of a social life for about 6 months but that's ok! Cause I know that it's all going to be worth it! I plan to really get out of debt this year. At least 2-3 bills. That will be a big help. I need to own a house one day! Under my name, my credit! I can already picture my kitchen! I wish the same for all you peeps too. I know 2011 was crazy for a lot of people. We just gotta move on and try to not dwell on it. Try to do what makes you happy. Even if it means hurting someones feelings or pissing someone off cause you don't take their advice. You gotta do you! Good luck to us all. And no the world ain't gonna end in December. But do live it up a bit more. Have a bit more fun, and more dates, and more kisses and sex! Just do it!